Becoming Blah
by Still Waiting for Aliens
Summary: A collection of drabbles, and perhaps some one-shots, that tell why Mai became a "big blah" and just general history. Updated as the mood strikes.
1. Quiet is Boring

_A/N: So little is known of Mai's past, and I decided to write some. *Fanon police indicate this is nothing new* Alright, this is common, but I wanted my own spin on it. *makes face at Fanon police*_

****_I decided to make Mai's father someone who was offered a minor position, and then became caught up in the society race. _

_Quietly (which means boredly),_

_Far From the Home I Love_

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><p><strong>Quiet is Boring<strong>

"Just be quiet. Daddy's working."

With that Mai goes back to her room to play with her dolls. Her five-year old brain doesn't understand why there is so much paperwork he suddenly needs to do. He's her daddy, and up until earlier this year, he would play with her. He helped her learn to ride her bike just earlier that year.

So she plays with her dolls, and becomes loud, like all small children do. Her father comes into her room and tells her to play quietly so he can work. She plays with her dolls still, but now, instead of talking with her dolls, she just thinks their voices.

Mommy comes home, and goes into daddy's office. Mai comes in and asks, "Mommy do you want to play dolls with me?"

"No. I'm helping daddy with work. Go color."

So Mai goes back to her room and gets out a coloring book and pencils. She gets bored quickly and decides to go play outside in the backyard, which also is boring without anyone to play with.

Quiet, she concludes, is boring.


	2. He's Quiet, Too

_A/N: Thanks for the Reviews/Questions/etc. It's really appreciated._

_To clear up a few things: Yes, the previous chapter was sort-of rough. I wanted it that way. Sorry if it confused you (I've since gone and edited it to clear it up a bit). Also, I didn't intend it to be Modern-Day AU. So far, what I've written could be AU or within normal canon, and I don't mind if you read it either way._

_Now that I've sorted that...Here's drabble number two._

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><p><strong>He's Quiet, Too<strong>

Mai was half-dressed for the formal dinner, her first as the Fire Lady-to-be. Despite all her efforts, she couldn't get her hair into the formal topknot. She just had too much hair. She placed her head in her hands. This was bringing back too many memories of her childhood.

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><p>She remembered the first time she had come to the palace for dinner. Her father had been climbing the social ladder, and she had been six years old, about to start school. Her mother had spent an hour doing her hair. When they reached the door of the formal dining room, her mother had taken her aside and said, "Don't say anything to Price Ozai or Princess Ursa, just bow. They have a daughter near your age, but don't speak to her unless spoken to. And don't say anything silly."<p>

By that time in her life, she had learned to just sit quietly. She didn't understand why it was so important to never talk, but she had stopped talking.

Azula, the daughter, had asked her questions, and Mai had mostly nodded her head. Azula seemed nice enough at the time, but most of Mai's attention had been directed at Azula's brother, Zuko. She hadn't been sure what to think of the boy. He had been quiet, like her, but more out of a shyness then anything else.

"Do you want to go outside, Mai?" Azula had asked when they had finished dessert.

Mai had nodded.

"Hey, ZuZu, come play with us?"

Zuko had looked at his mother and asked, "Do I have to?"

Ursa had nodded. "Help make our guest feel at home."

Mai had inwardly cringed at the words. She didn't want to feel at home, home was a place of boredom and quiet.

They had played hide and seek in the palace garden. Azula had cheated whenever she was seeking and got upset when she was found first. During one of the rounds, Mai had stumbled into Zuko's hiding spot.

Somehow, she had found words. "I'm sorry," she had half-mumbled.

"It's ok." He had looked up at her with his amber eyes. "I'm getting tired of playing hide-and-seek anyway." And he had invited her back inside to play.

When Azula found them, she had grabbed Mai by the hand. "Come play with me."

Mai, being who she was, got pulled along by Azula, leaving Zuko alone with a half-played game of go-fish.

She and Azula had then played go-fish for fifteen minutes when a servant came to fetch Mai to go home.

That's when Azula had hugged her and said that they were best friends. Zuko had simply waved.

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><p>Mai shook away the last of the memory. She did her hair in its normal style and pulled on her final layer of robes. Tonight, she was going to be herself, not the girl she had been when she first dined here.<p>

Tonight she was free.


	3. Birthdays Suck

_A/N: This is not a "kid's chapter". It's a little bit dark, and a little bit mature._

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><p><strong>Birthday's Suck<strong>

I wake up, just like any day, to the sound of chirping birds. (They're lucky. They can be themselves. I used to want to be a bird.) Today's my birthday, not that anyone in New Ozai will remember. Mother and Father don't seem interested, they never do, and it's not as if I have any friends. Azula and Ty Lee would have remembered and made a huge show of getting me ice cream, cake and some sort of gift. Until Ty Lee left and Azula demanded I leave, Zuko would have been hiding, finally coming and wishing me a happy birthday at the gates. My gift every year had been a hug until he left because of that damned _Agni Kai_.

Instead, it's the same boring world as always.

I'm turning 15; I'm a woman now. Normally there would be a big party, but I doubt it will happen. Mother has Tom-Tom now; Father, his responsibilities as governor.

Suddenly, something in me snaps.

I grab a knife from where my collection sits. I look at it, its sharp, steel edge glinting. I contemplate what I'm about to do, and then I do it.

I glide the knife down my arm, just deep enough to draw blood. It stings, but that feeling is gone quickly. I watch the bright red of my blood pooling against the pale white of my arm. I cry, just a bit.

I'm not trying to die, just to feel. I want to feel something, instead of this emptiness that threatens to swallow me.

Oddly enough, as the wound clots and the blood stops, I just feel more numb than I did before.

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><p><em>Please, don't make comments about Mai being 'emo'. The word 'emo' is thrown around and makes it harder on those who have actual issues. Cutting isn't about dying; it's about a release of emotional painstress._

_If you are struggling with depression or emotional stress, please seek professional help. It does help (I can vouch that it has helped my OCD!)_

_Sending sunshine your way,_

_Far From the Home I Love _


	4. Ye Xian, or School and Friends

_**Ye Xian**_**, or School and Friends**

Mai started school at six, just like any other child. Her father wanted to make a good impression on the world, and sent her to the Fire Nation Academy for Girls, where he knew Princess Azula would eventually be attending school.

School brought her out of her shell, just a bit. There was a girl, Xiu Yun Meng, who was friendly, but quiet, and liked to read a lot; and she did a lot to bring Mai into the world.

During free time, Xiu Yun noticed Mai in a corner, reading a book. "What are you reading?" she had inquired in the most sweet of small child tones.

"_Y__e Xian_," responded Mai.

"I love that story."

"You do?"

"Yep!" She popped the 'p' sound. "Do you want to play _Ye Xian_?"

Mai nodded.

"I'll be the princess, and you can be the fish!"

"Alright."

Xiu Yun grabbed a long pencil from her pencil box and pretended it was a broom.

"My dearest fish," she giggled while quoting from the storybook, "What am I going to do about the festival?"

"Isn't the fish dead by then?" Mai asked.

"Yes, but I want you to still be alive! Dead fish are no fun."

Mai smiled, and then giggled. "Well, Ye Xian, we must find you a dress."

Mai produced several imaginary dresses and kimonos, which Xiu Yun said were all pretty, but were too pretty to pick from. Mai decided on a what she described as a "dark purple kimono with gold flowers." Xiu Yun clapped her hands and said that it was probably the most beautiful thing imaginable. She then imagined she put the "fish" in a bowl and carried it with her to the festival.

It was then when the teacher asked them to sit back down and work on penmanship.

"Next time, Mai, you can be Ye Xian and I can be the fish."

And the next day, she was.

Two afternoons later, Mai was summoned to the palace. This was not unusual, as Azula had been calling her to the palace for playdates for several months now. She didn't want to go, but her mother insisted.

When Mai arrived and entered the gate, Azula was already standing nearby.

"You're late, Mai."

"I apologize, my mother kept me at the house."

"Well then, let's play."

Playing with Azula always meant watching a display of Azula being "better", whether it was hide-and-seek, firebending (meaning Mai literally sat and watched), or just a simple imaginative game. And after watching Azula firebend for about 15 minutes, Mai was bored enough to ask, "Can we play _Ye Xian_?"

"Why?" Azula responded, her tone frustrated. "Aren't you enjoying yourself?"

"Yes, but I'm bored. I want to play, not just watch your bending abilities."

"Fine. I'll be Ye Xian, and you can be the fish."

Mai wanted to be Ye Xian, but knew it would be no use to argue against the younger girl. Azula always got her way.

Playing _Ye Xian_ with Azula proved tiresome. Mai spent most of it pretending to be dead, and listening to Azula occasionally yell at her for not doing something the way she wanted it to be done. "You're my best friend, so that means you do what I want you to!" was yelled at least twice. Zuko walked by the room twice, casually glancing in, smiling slightly at Mai before rolling his eyes as his sister flounced across the room in an oversized dress.

A servant came to fetch Mai when it was time to go home. Azula ran up, hugged her and said, "Good bye. Always remember, you're my best friend, and that means you're special, even if you can't play _Ye Xian_ right."

As she left the palace and walked home, Mai concluded that Xiu Yun was much more fun to play with than Azula.

Xiu Yun means Elegant Melody,

Ye Xian is the Chinese version of Cinderella


End file.
